


Tears make Kaleidoscopes in your Eyes

by felicityollies



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Car Accidents, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Male-Female Friendship, Missing Scene, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-11
Updated: 2016-09-24
Packaged: 2018-07-14 10:55:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7168241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/felicityollies/pseuds/felicityollies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>prompt: 5 times that Oliver took care of Felicity and the 1 time that she took care of him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Felicity sat in the foundry trembling and scared. The place was falling in around her and she didn’t know if she could get out of there safely. She was sure that Oliver was still too far away. She was going to be trapped down there for who knows how long.

Her lower lip quivered and tears welled up in her eyes. The minutes dragged on until she lost track of time.

"Felicity!" 

She turned her head towards the stairs. She was more than a little surprised.

"Felicity, are you down here!" 

"Y-yes!" Felicity choked out. 

"I'm coming!" 

She slid from her desk chair and stood on shaky ground. Oliver fought his way down the steps as the building shook and the ceiling crumbled. 

"Thank god," she squeaked out as tears rolled down her cheeks. 

Oliver reached her and pulled her close. "I wasn't going to leave you here." 

Felicity didn't want to say it, but she hadn't thought anyone was coming back. How could she? There was so much going on, so many other people to save, and she was _just_ Felicity. 

"Thank you," she sniffled again. 

"You don't have to thank me," he held onto her and quickly led her out of Verdant. 

They weaved through the basement, avoiding pieces of cement and other debris that was raining down from the ceiling. Oliver clutched her tighter and pulled her out of the way when the ground shook and the cement above them threatened to fall and crush them. 

When they hit the parking lot she turned and wrapped her arms around his middle. Her face pressed against his leather clad chest. Her body still shook with fear. The idea that she might have been buried alive in the basement left her extremely terrified. 

"It's okay," he whispered rubbing his hand down her back. 

From the van, John leaned out and called to them, "We need to get going!" 

Felicity pulled back and started towards the van. She climbed in the back; Oliver followed right behind her. John started to drive back into the mess. They all knew they had to look and try to find any survivors. They couldn't let The Glades crumbled without trying to help. Felicity was quiet seated directly beside Oliver. He inventoried their injuries before pulling out a first aid kit. 

"You have a cut on your forehead," he said gently.

Felicity put her hand to her forehead, pulling it away she saw the sticky, wet blood on her fingers. "I didn't even notice," she said with a sigh. 

He leaned over, his hand hovering just over her forehead. With the gentlest touch, he wiped away the blood and put on a bandaid. How he managed to do that while the world was shaking around them she didn't know. 

John drove as far as he could into the Glades. He made his way down the side streets, stopping every once in a while so that he and Oliver could get out and look for survivors. Felicity wasn't sure how long they were there. Or how long it was before the earthquake finally ceased. All she knew was that she was tired, scared, but somewhat relieved that Oliver and John had managed to pull a few people from the rubble. There was also a massive amount of guilt settling in her stomach because of the people they, she hadn't been able to save. If she had only thought of Merlyn having a second device maybe they could have stopped all of this. 

She sat in the passenger seat after Diggle got dropped off at home. Oliver started in the direction of her townhouse. 

"Oliver," she started quietly.

He looked over at her. 

"Can you come inside with me?" she had never heard her own voice sound so timid. 

He nodded, "Of course." 

Felicity hated being so scared. She hated that it was even a worry that her townhome would crumble on top of her in the middle of the night. 

When they got into her home she turned on the lights. It was the first time that she noticed his tear stained face. Felicity had never once seen him cry and it made her wonder what she was missing. 

"What happened?" she asked trying to push down her own problems.

Oliver looked like he was trying to decide if he wanted to tell her. 

"Oliver?" 

"Tommy…. I couldn't save him," he looked away from her.

"Oh god. I am so sorry." 

Felicity felt like crap for asking him to be here. She shouldn't have. He should be mourning his friend. He shouldn't be stuck there with her. Tommy was more important than she was by a long shot. 

"You should go home," she said quietly, "You don't have to be here." 

His gaze slowly dragged back to hers, "I want to be here, Felicity." 

"But,"

"I want to make sure you're safe. I'm not losing two friends in one night," his voice was stern, but not nearly as rough as when he spoke to criminals. 

Felicity pressed her lips together and nodded. She did feel safer with him there, her friend, taking the time to worry about her. 

"Get some rest. I'll be here," he dropped his gaze low again. 

She wanted to do something for him, but she didn't know what. She also didn't know if he would let her do anything. He probably wouldn't. She sucked in a deep breath and walked towards her bedroom. She heard Oliver move to sit down on her couch, but didn't look back at him. She just needed to do what he said and get some sleep. She was going to be okay. He wasn't going to let anything happen to her. She wasn't going to be crushed in her sleep. Yep, she was gonna be fine, just fracking fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not gonna lie, I'm really not sure how I feel about this. Feel free to let me know what _you_ think.  
>  comments, tweets, and messages always appreciated.  
> twitter: smoakenarrow  
> tumblr: felicityollies


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> emotional hurt & comforting is so important to me so there’s going to be a lot of that

Felicity sat down at her desk after another long trip from Central City back to Starling. She could still hardly wrap her mind around the idea that the guy she liked had been hit by lightning. That was the way things went, though. She was under the impression that she should give up on trying to date anyone.

If they weren't hit by lightning or dead, then they were emotionally stunted and broody. Not that she was _trying_ or had tried to date an emotionally stunted and broody vigilante. She kind of had a crush, but wasn't even entertaining the idea because well he had pretty much shut that down anyway. 

"Felicity?" Oliver's voice startled her out of her thoughts. 

She blinked up at him, "Hmmm?" 

"I didn't know you were back already," he walked towards her. 

He looked like he had been out for a jog. 

"Well, I am," she sighed heavily. 

"How's Barry?" 

"No change," she dragged her eyes low. 

Felicity couldn't even pretend she wasn't heartbroken over this. It sucked. Not only was Barry in a coma and causing her all kinds of worry, but he had someone waiting for him. Barry might have liked Felicity back, but who was she to get in the way of someone else? 

"Hey," Oliver said in that sweet tone that she had only heard him use a handful of times. 

She looked up at him again. 

His hand came down to squeeze her shoulder, causing her to relax a little more. "You can talk to me." 

"I know," she said softly, "But I don't want to bore you with my problems." 

"You never bore me," he gave her a reassuring smile. 

Felicity didn't know if she believed him, but he did seem sincere. "Just… bummed," she said with a shrug, "I don't exactly have the best luck with guys." 

His thumb moved across her shoulder, but he didn't say anything. He was more of a listener than an advice giver anyway. 

Felicity didn't plan on getting into the nitty gritty details of her past, but she could at least talk about Barry. "He's in a coma and he's got a probably gorgeous someone waiting for him," she let out the longest sigh. 

"Oh." 

"Yeah, oh," she closed her eyes for a moment. "I know you didn't even like Barry. I don't even think you liked the idea of he and I dating…." she trailed off and shook her head. 

His hand slowed, "I…" 

She opened her eyes again. "You don't have to say anything, Oliver. It doesn't matter because nothing is going to happen. I don't even know if he's going to wake up from the coma." 

"I hope he does," it didn't sound forced or resentful, "I hope things work out because you deserve to be happy, Felicity." 

She looked up to meet his gaze, "What?" 

"You told me once that you thought I deserved better. I don't think it's true, but I definitely know that you do deserve better. You're a remarkable woman," he kept his eyes on hers, "I mean it."

She opened and closed her mouth. It wasn't often that she heard these kinds of things, especially from Oliver. She knew it was hard for him to express himself this way, but when he did damn did he do it. 

Felicity tried to collect herself, but she was so shocked. She was hurt and sad, and yet he managed to make her heart flutter in her chest. She pushed herself from her chair and wrapped her arms around his middle. She didn't care that he was hot and sweaty from his jog. She wanted to show him that she appreciated what he had said. 

His body tensed for a moment before she felt his hand come down against her back. She closed her eyes and rest her cheek against his covered chest. He rubbed her back gently and she let out a content sigh. 

"Are you still trying to apologize for being a jerk the other day?" she asked without moving or opening her eyes.

"Maybe," he said quietly. 

"Well, it's working," she pulled back a little, "I do have to say one thing, though." 

"What's that?" he raised a brow. 

"You really need a shower," she laughed. 

Oliver rolled his eyes. "I'll get right on that," he pulled away from her and walked towards the foundry bathroom. 

Felicity let her smile fall away when he was gone. She was happy to hear his words and feel comforted by him, but she always felt uncomfortable opening up about herself even if it was just a little. She was still worried about Barry, but at least she had a friend to lean on. A very good friend at that.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is such a veer away from canon, but the idea was stuck in my head so

Oliver had no idea how this happened. Felicity survived being taken by Slade. She survived the plane ride to the beach and back home. She survived losing her job and having to start a crappy part time one at Tech Village.

She survived a lot… only to get into a car accident on the way to said crappy job. 

Diggle called Oliver to let him know that it had happened. Apparently, John was her emergency contact. He idly wondered why she didn't consider him as an option. It didn't matter. What mattered was that he was going to get to the hospital and quickly. 

He sped there on his Ducati, weaving in and out of traffic. He was lucky that he didn't get pulled over, but he wasn't even thinking about the police right now. He was thinking about Felicity. 

He had been thinking about her a lot lately. He couldn't help it. Ever since the moment in the manor, the kiss, and her babbling on the beach. He cared about her a lot, but he was starting to realize that it was more than that. 

Especially right now. He was scared. He didn't know how badly she was hurt, but he did know that he wasn't about to let himself lose anyone else. 

When he got to the hospital, he hurriedly made his way to the front desk. It didn't take him long after that to be lead to her room. He stood in the doorway for a moment, watching her in bed. Her eyes were closed, there was a large gauze on her forehead, and a sling on her arm. 

Oliver's heart pounded wildly in his chest. She was alive. She was okay, just battered and bruised. She was okay. Felicity was okay. 

He let out a shuddering breath and moved to sit beside the bed. He planned on staying there until she woke up.

* * *

Felicity woke and was immediately met by a pounding in her head and a throbbing in her shoulder. 

"Oh god," she muttered. 

"You're awake." 

She flinched a little and looked over to Oliver. He seemed so relieved that she was awake. He sat there slumped over, his fingers interlaced, and his eyes full of worry. 

"Yeah… what are you doing here?" 

"John called me. He was with Lyla at some… pregnancy thing and uh he couldn't get away," he sounded almost nervous. 

"Oh," she said quietly. 

"I just wanted to make sure you were okay." 

"Thank you," she gave a soft smile, "It's nothing really. I mean my car is totaled. I never actually got that blood stain out of my backseat so maybe it's a blessing. Not this part, though," she motioned to her injuries with her good hand. 

Oliver blinked a couple of times. "What happened?" 

"T-boned. It wasn't my fault, but I have a nice gash on my head and a dislocated shoulder. The doctor told me I was lucky not to have a broken humerus. I said that wasn't very _humorous_." 

He cracked a smile and shook his head. 

"He probably thinks I'm an idiot, but I am going to put full blame on the pain killers. Also why I fell asleep," she tried to adjust her position and sit up more, but it resulted in a jolt of pain going through her arm. "Ow ow ow." 

"Hey, don't force yourself to do too much," Oliver leaned in a little closer. 

"I'm alright. No biggie," she tried to reassure him. 

Felicity couldn't deny that she was in a lot of pain. So much had been happening lately and now she could add this to the list. She was glad that she had Oliver there. She hated waking up in strange places alone. Not that it happened frequently, that would be awful. 

Before anyone could say anything else, her doctor was entering the room to check on her. It was several minutes later that she was being checked out and sent on her way with a prescription for pain killers. She had no idea if she was actually going to pick them up, but she took the script anyway. Her clothes were a little bloody, but she opted for putting them back on instead of wearing scrubs out of the hospital. 

Felicity was only actually allowed to leave because Oliver promised to take her home. She appreciated it greatly because hospitals were not her favorite place. 

"Thank you," she said looking up at him. 

"Don't thank me yet," he glanced towards his bike. 

Felicity followed his gaze and deflated just a little. 

"We don't have to take the bike," he assured her, "I can call a cab." 

"I don't want you to leave it here." 

"I don't want you to strain yourself," he gave her a serious expression. 

"You're not leaving your bike here," she said sternly. 

They looked at each other for a few moments before he relented. 

"Alright, but you're wearing the helmet." 

He helped her slide the helmet on before getting onto the bike. Felicity slid on behind him and adjusted her position so that it was comfortable. Her good arm wrapped around him and she rest her had against his leather clad back. 

"Hold on tight and just move with me," he told her gently. 

"Okay," her voice was muffled behind the helmet. 

Felicity was a little scared, but she trusted Oliver. She held onto him tightly and pressed herself against him as much as she could. He started the bike, causing the entire thing to vibrate. She was glad that he couldn't see her and that her face was covered because she was sure she was blushing something fierce. 

Oliver drove slowly and carefully. She knew this was much different than the way he usually drove, but she appreciated it. 

They arrived at her townhome and he helped her get to the door. 

"You don't have to come inside with me," she said softly. 

"I just want to make sure you're okay." 

Felicity's heart fluttered in her chest. "I'm sure you have more important things to do, but it doesn't look like you're leaving," she started to unlock the door. 

"Is there anything I can get you?" 

"You don’t have to take care of me, Oliver." 

"I do," he said, but quickly added, "You take care of the team every night. What kind of teammate would I be if I didn't do the same for you?" 

Felicity felt her cheeks warm again. "I guess I can buy that." 

"Good, now sit down and relax…. please," he smiled to her.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i would like to sincerely apologize for whoever sent me this prompt because it’s taken my lazy ass so long to work on it. But I hope you enjoy this update. This part is set in between season 3 and 4 during their little road trip. No one come at me bc this is just a lot of headcanoning (that i’ve actually written/touched on before, but...)

Felicity watched Oliver walk away from her. She was trapped in a dingy cell. It barely constituted as a cell; it was more like a small cave with metal bars at the entrance. Without thinking, she ran forward, her fingers wrapping around said bars that kept her from reaching Oliver. He looked at her with an icy stare before turning away.

"Come back!" she shouted, but he didn't. 

He wouldn't. 

"Oliver, please! You asked me to trust you and I trusted you!" Her throat tightened up and tears threatened to spill down her cheeks, "Don't leave me here to die!" 

She choked on a sob, "Don't leave me." 

"Felicity," she could barely hear Oliver's voice. 

Her eyes fluttered open and she gasped for breath. It felt like her heart was going to beat right out of her chest. 

"It's okay, I'm right here," his words were muffled by the thudding in her ears. 

She struggled to breathe for several moments before she finally caught her breath. "Oliver," she reached for him. 

"You were having a nightmare again," he whispered, pulling her close. 

"You left," she sniffled, gripping onto his arm tightly. 

"I know," his voice stayed soft, "But I'm here now." 

Closing her eyes, she scooted closer and buried her face in his chest. She understood why he had left them behind and she understood that she hadn't been in any real danger, but that didn't stop her subconscious from running wild with fear. Her fear of abandonment always did that to her. She feared opening up because of the possibility that whoever she opened up to would leave. 

The nightmares she had didn't always revolve around Nanda Parbat, but instead losing Oliver in general. He meant to so much to her, she couldn't bear the thought of losing him for good. 

Her breathing evened out and she finally began to relax in his grasp. She focused on the way his strong arms held her close and listened to his heart beat. There were many nights where she would rest her head on his chest and just listen to the rhythm of his heart. The sound was always weirdly calming. 

"Are you okay?" he whispered against the top of her head. 

"I think so," she breathed out the words. 

"I'm sorry," he ran his hand down her back. 

Swallowing thickly, she gave a small nod. She knew that he was sorry for what he did. He had said it over and over again. She had accepted the apology and still her unconscious thoughts wouldn't stop twisting into something awful. 

"I love you, Felicity," he kissed the top of her had, "And I'm not going anywhere." 

"I love you too," she finally pulled back and looked up at him with shiny eyes and wet cheeks. 

He reached up and ran his thumb across her cheek, wiping away the tears. "Not going anywhere?" he asked hesitantly. 

"Not going anywhere," she answered quietly. 

Oliver leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to her forehead. His lips lingered for only a moment. When he pulled back he looked at her with subtle worry. "I'm guessing you don't want to go back to sleep." 

She shook her head. "I'd rather not." 

"Then let's get up." 

He slid from the bed first, letting her go for a second. Sitting up, she wiped her cheeks and then reached for his hand. He pulled her up from the bed and into a tight hug. She took in a deep breath and, if it was possible, relaxed even more. 

Oliver waited for her to let go before taking her hand and leading her to the kitchen. She sat on a barstool, leaning on the breakfast bar. They were in one of the nicer hotels they had stayed in, but it was still early in their little trip away from Starling. Oliver had stocked up the kitchen, so that they would have good things to eat and drink for the next couple of days while they explored the city. 

She sat there in nothing but her panties and sleep shirt. Her elbows rest against the counter. "What are you making?" she asked. 

"Tea," he replied. 

She scrunched up her nose a little. 

"It'll help," Oliver promised. 

"Will there be food to go with that?" she jutted her lower lip out. 

He chuckled softly, "Yes," he got the kettle on the stove, "What would you like?" 

"Surprise me." 

She watched him dig around in the fridge. He was walking around the kitchen in his boxers, a sight to behold if anyone asked her. Her mind was still stuck on the dream, but she was doing her best to focus on the now. It was difficult, especially after everything she had been through in the past several months. The ups and downs of she and Oliver's relationship, losing him, getting him back, and losing him again. Losing Sara and only a week ago she had learned that Ray was gone too; they didn't have time to get back to the funeral. It was no wonder her nightmares had been so focused on loss and abandonment. 

Now she also worried that the friends she had made, Thea, John, and Laurel, weren't going to be there if she ever went back to Starling. She missed them and she missed helping the city. Part of her knew she needed this break. 

"You still with me?" Oliver's voice broke through her train of thought. 

"Yeah," she said looking downward. 

"What's on your mind? The nightmare?" he flipped something in a pan on the stove. 

She nodded her head once. 

"Talk to me, Felicity." 

Letting out a slow breath, she dragged her eyes up to meet his. She voiced her worries to him, something that was still somewhat hard to do. 

"I'm tired of feeling scared," she sighed, "I'm tired of having nightmares, but I can't stop thinking about how much I've lost… how much we've lost." 

Oliver stayed quiet, seeming almost worried that if he spoke that she would stop and wouldn't start again. 

"I'm scared that everyone back in Starling is going to hate me for leaving," she bit down on her lower lip. 

The kettle whistled and she looked down again. Quietly, he poured the water into two cup. He put them on the counter in front of her. Moments later he sat down two plates covered in delicious smelling omelets. 

"It's okay to be scared," he said as he sat down bedside her. 

She leaned into him; he wrapped his arm around her tight. 

"I still have nightmares," he confessed, "About my dad… the island… losing you." 

It was somehow comforting to know that Oliver had similar fears. She didn't want him to keep having nightmares of course. There had been nights when she was the one witnessing his thrashing and moaning. It was terrifying to say the least. 

"And no one is going to hate you," he mumbled, "If anything, they are going to hate me for taking you away. Everyone loves you." His thumb moved across her skin gently. 

"Why don't you eat," he said after a few moments had past, "You must be starving…. I can hear your stomach growling." 

"That's embarrassing," she let out the smallest laugh. 

"Nah," he kissed the top of her head again, "Eat, drink, relax…. and keep talking to me?" 

She tilted her head up and looked at him. His relaxed demeanor had suddenly become serious, but she understood. Neither of them were very good at opening up about anything personal, but they were both trying. 

"I will if you will," she whispered. 

He nodded, "Of course."


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so angst angst angst bc the back half of season four hurt my soul (as it did for everyone i think) but yeah sadness abound in this chapter and the next, but still very much comfort.

Pain radiated through her spine. It was worse than anything she could have imagined. Even after weeks of hospitalization and an obscene amount of pain killers, she was still in pain. Felicity didn't want to wheel herself around the loft. She was tired, irritable, and was sick of the ache in her back. Too many surgeries, too many times poked, jabbed, and cut into.

As much as she didn't want to move around the apartment, she also didn't want help from Oliver either. She was so angry and frustrated with the entire situation. Never had she imagined that she could hate someone as much as she hated Damien Darhk. 

Letting out a long sigh, she closed her eyes. 

"Are you okay?" Oliver's worried voice came from behind her. 

"Do you think I'm okay?" she snapped. 

"I'm sorry… I didn't mean…" he sighed as well. 

She didn't mean to snap at him like that. This wasn't his fault. 

"What I meant to ask is uh… is there anything you need?" 

"No," she said quietly, "And you don't have to be sorry." 

Oliver came around to stand in front of her, but he crouched down in front of her so that they were eye level. He always did that. It was something she appreciated because she never wanted to feel like she was being talked down to. 

"Are you sure there's nothing I can do?" he asked, putting his hands on hers. 

She knew that it was going to take time before her arms didn't get tired quickly and she knew that she needed to accept some help from her fiancé, but it was so difficult. 

"I'm tired," she said even quieter than before. 

"It's okay," he whispered, "I'm here. I want to help you." 

"I know," her voice cracked, "C-can you get my medicine?" 

He nodded and moved quickly to get her pain killers and a glass of water. Shakily, she took the glass and popped the pills into her mouth. When she was done he put the glass aside and moved back in front of her. He reached up, cupping her cheek gently. His thumb gently caressing her. 

She sniffled and turned her head into his hand. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she let the exhaustion over take her. The past few weeks had been both physically and emotionally draining. It was too much to take. 

"I'm so tired," she choked out. 

He was suddenly twice as alert as before. "Can I pick you up?" he asked, pulling his hand back. 

She nodded her head. He carefully moved to slip his arm under her thighs and scooped her up into his arms. She sobbed, curling into him and burying her face in his neck. Gently, he carried her to the couch. He cradled her in his grasp and moved his hand through her hair while she cried. 

She hadn't cried this hard in awhile and hadn't cried at all the entire time she had been home. Too much pain, too many emotions, everything was just too much at once. Her body couldn't take it. _She_ couldn't take it and she hated that. All she wanted to do was be strong and keep herself together, but right now she had to accept that it was okay to fall apart. At least she had Oliver there to support her. 

She cried until she couldn't anymore. Until she simply lay there with her head against Oliver's chest and slow, shaking breaths falling from her lips. Her body trembled and her chest rattled. If it was possible she was even more exhausted than she was before. 

Oliver's thumb came cross her cheek, wiping away her last remaining tears. She closed her eyes and relaxed against him. The last few weeks she hadn't really slept. Most of her sleep came from being drug induced. At the moment, curled up in Oliver's arms, she felt safe. She felt calm for the first time in a long time. There was still so much to deal with, but she wasn't going to think about it. Her brain was too fuzzy to do so anyway. The one good thing was that the ache in her spine was becoming dulled enough to ignore. 

"Thank you," she mumbled. 

"You don't have to thank me," he whispered, kissing the top of her head. 

"I love you," she sniffled. 

"I love you too," he hugged her gently, "Do you want to go upstairs?" 

Too tire for words, she nodded twice. 

"Okay," he said as he stood carefully. 

The grip she had on him loosened slightly. She couldn't have kept herself awake if she tried. Oliver barely made it to the stairs before she was quietly snoring in his grasp. He kept moving, carrying her as if she was a Fabergé egg, and putting her in bed. 

* * *

When she woke up, she almost had no idea where she was. She stirred, making the tiniest moan as she adjusted. 

Oliver shifted in bed beside her. "Are you okay?" she could tell even without her glasses on that he winced. "I didn't mean…" 

"It's okay," she mumbled, "I'm as okay as I can be." 

He turned on the light, "Are you sure?" 

"Oliver," she warned. 

He pressed his lips together. 

"My back still hurts," she sighed, but shook her head. "What time is it?" 

"Four in the morning." 

"What time did you put me into bed?" 

"Five-ish." 

"God," she muttered and sighed again. 

"You needed the sleep," he said, sounding like he thought she was going to be mad. 

"I did," she lay back again. 

"Are you hungry?" he asked. 

"No, I'm okay right now." The pain had made it hard to have an appetite lately, "I'll eat later I promise." 

"I can make you something now…" 

"Oliver, I don't want you to baby me." 

"I know," he rolled over a little more and propped himself up on one arm, "You're the strongest person I know. You don't need anyone's help or anyone to worry about you…. but I'm going to anyway." 

There had been so many years when she didn't really have anyone looking out for her. She didn't have anyone worrying about her every second and it made her build this wall and completely rely on herself. Now she didn't need to do that, but letting go of this desire to take care of herself all the time was difficult. 

Oliver knew this, which was why he was patient with her. 

"I know," she replied, "But you still don’t have to make me anything right now. You can get me more pain killers, though." 

"Well, it's definitely past time." He had been very carefully watching her dosage, so she didn't overdo it. 

"Thank you," she said. 

"You're welcome," he leaned down and kissed her lips gently. 

There were many more days and weeks ahead of frustration ahead of her, but at least she knew she had Oliver by her side.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m sorry this took so long to finish holy crap, but i hope whoever prompted this has fully enjoyed it. also i might have made myself sad it’s fine.

Oliver stared down at his hands until he couldn't anymore. His eyes closed tight and he willed the ache in his chest to let him be.

Everything was so quiet. Dahrk was dead, the city was safe for now, and everything was quiet. He wanted to be happy about it, but it was such a hollow victory. He lost his friend, his team had disbanded, and the last several months had put a huge strain on his moral code.

It was becoming harder not to fall apart. How could he not? He was struggling with what he truly believed in and dealing with all the loss and heartbreak that had accumulated over months.

There hadn't been time for him to fall to pieces; his team needed him during those tough times. Now they were gone.

The only person left was Felicity, but he didn't want to burden her. They were friends, of course, but that didn't mean he wanted to spill his guts. That was the problem wasn't it? The reason why they weren't together anymore. He didn't lean on her enough. But this time was different, right? She had her own worries and he had his. He shouldn't bother her.

Letting out a breath, he lifted shaky hands to run through his hair.

"Hey," her soft voice came from behind him.

He turned to look up at her. The expression on her face made his heart skip a beat. She was so worried. Those deep blue eyes filled with concern, practically begging him to talk to her.

She came around to sit beside him on the couch. They were in the loft. He couldn't stay in the bunker, so as a temporary solution he was in their… in her apartment. She didn't want repayment, but he was going to do it anyway. He promised to fix the window he had crashed through, a better fix than the plastic that currently covered it.

"I don't want to bother you, Felicity," he whispered.

"You're not bothering me. You've never bothered me."

"You have your own problems to worry about," he sighed.

Felicity returned his sigh, "I'm not going to force you to talk to me, Oliver. Yes, I have a lot of crap on my own plate right now, but…" she trailed off.

She always diminished her own problems; acted like they weren't a big deal and put other's problems ahead of her own. He hated it. It was sweet, but at the same time he wanted to be there to help her.

"I want to help you too, ya know," he mumbled, looking over to meet her gaze.

She gave a soft sad smile, "I know," she sighed again, "But can we talk about you today? That's what would make me feel better right now."

He nodded slowly. Okay, he could do that. They could talk today about him and eventually talk about her. That seemed fair. Now to just say what he was feeling. It shouldn't be that hard.

After what seemed like an eternity, he finally spoke. "I don't even know how I'm keeping it together anymore."

He hunched over, his elbows on his knees, and his eyes on his hands again. "I haven't slept since she," he swallowed thickly, "He killed her with my arrow. The one meant to kill him."

Felicity's hand moved across his back.

He sucked in another breath. It felt like his entire chest rattled. "It was like Tommy all over again… nothing I could do. I just had to watch."

Tears burned in his eyes and he tried to blink them away. He had barely let himself cry and he wanted to be able to keep himself from shattering now.

"Let go," Felicity whispered.

He sniffed and shook his head. "Laurel's dead," he breathed out the words, "John is leaving," he swallowed again, "And Thea… god Thea…"

He couldn't help but blame himself for all of the shit that had happened. Everything from Felicity being wheelchair bound, to the break up, to Laurel, John, and Thea. All of it combined with the fact he had become that killer once more. The killer that he promised his best friend he wouldn't be.

The crushing sadness in his chest became too much. The dam broke. Tears flowed down his cheeks. He buried his face in his hands.

Felicity wrapped her arms around him and slowly turned in her grasp. His head lay against her chest as he cried. He hated crying. Absolutely hated it, but with an arm wrapped around him and gentle fingers through his hair, it almost felt cathartic.

He cried and cried and cried until he couldn't do anything but sniffle. Somehow he had found himself with his head in Felicity's lap. He was so grateful for her. Even if this was a completely platonic circumstance, he didn't care. He appreciated every moment that she was there for him. Of course he wished that things were different and he could turn his head to kiss her. He wished that he knew this wasn't painful for her too.

But now, he was tired. Utterly exhausted both emotionally and physically.

"Thank you," I love you so much. "You didn't have to do this for me."

"You never have to thank me," she repeated words that he had spoken to her not too long ago.

He closed his eyes and let out a shaky breath, not wanting to move just yet. It was too easy to let her take care of him now. Too easy to let her fingers play with his hair and lull him to sleep in the way that she used to.

"Just relax," she whispered.

He sighed, "Okay."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The End!!!  
> For real, i hope everyone who read this enjoyed it. Thank you for all the comments and kind words. I appreciate it very much!


End file.
